Latitude 44° 41' N: Plattsburgh, NY: In the End...

Montreal, PQ
August 7, 2010

It is still hard to fathom spring, to gain a perspective on it. there is so muchl oss and longing these days, that I sometimes forget the blessedness of the last month of my mother's life.

I arrived home on the 19th to an earlier-than-usual spring. My mother was at Meadowbrook and planning my arrival. She was waiting for me to come home so she could begin the dying process, a process that had really begun in the fall.

Such days of supreme grace, so many gifts...the ability to say a slow goodbye, her willingness to let go, her display of the "good death." the absolute outpouring of love and support that came from all direction, the expansive spirituality that comes at a time like this. I will relish those days for the rest of my life.

I have no regrets. I, we, did the best we could. No matter what I or anyone else would/could have done, this was my mother's time to die.

We were fortuante to have wonderful people around the clock. But...in the end...I was still tired beyond anything I've every experienced.

And, as the months have gone by, I've realized more and more that the events of fall and winter wore by body down in ways that will take a long time to recover.

And now...it's almost four months since she died. She is missed is ways I never expected, but I know she is with God. and that makes all this difference!